i have become a fly murderer.

to be fair i act mostly in self defense. my house seems to have been invaded by flies. in the last two days i counted (and killed) i think fourteen, without exaggeration. no one knows where they came from. at first i had no mercy, slamming them (missing them) with over mitts and trapping them in windows. but now i begin to realize how hopeless the situation is on both sides and i find myself wishing there was a more humane way to make them go away. and so it happened that i have begun pleading with the flies to leave, giving them affectionate nicknames, and singing 'you are my sunshine, my only sunshine' as i set about my grim work.

when they find me, they'll say the zinc in all those cough drops got to my brain.