the phone weevil
phone: ring ring...ring ring...ring ring...
mom: oh, hi.
fudge: hi, mom. listen, i need to ask you this question about my tax form--
the pt: UM, HELLO? IS ANYBODY ON THIS PHONE?
fudge: hi the pt.
the pt: HELLO? HELLO?
mom: yes! we're on this phone! go hang up!
the pt: I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.
fudge: what? listen, the pt, i need to talk to mommy about something, okay? i'll talk to you later.
the pt: CAN I PUT YOU ON SPEAKERPHONE?
mom: the pt, just hang up.
the pt: OKAY I'M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKERPHONE.
mom: the pt, i said no!
fudge: whatever. listen, mom, about this form you sent me --
the pt (from a great distance) : that's better.
fudge: listen, in the third column--
the pt: fudge, can you hear my marker scribbling on my paper? oh no...it's a new one and it's all dried up...!
mom (distracted): it's all dried up? i just bought those three days ago!
fudge: mom!
the pt: we had rice for supper. ew.
mom: well you didn't eat your chicken!
the pt: um, hello? that's probably because it was yellow?
fudge: whatever. listen, i' m trying to talk to mommy, okay?
the pt: my guy has little arms. doo doo doo doo...
mom: the pt, hang up.
fudge: okay, so this form--
the pt: i feel like putting on my pink socks.
mom: no, we're not putting on any more socks tonight.
the pt: whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?
mom: because we have enough laundry to do as it is!
fudge: um -
the pt: well what about the purple ones?
mom: no more socks!
the pt: oh man!
fudge: hello?
the pt: scribble scribble scribble. do you hear my marker breathing?
mom: don't you have some homework to do or something?
fudge: mom, can i just ask you a quick question?
the pt: weeeeeeeeeel i was supposed to do my kriah but um...well, when we were putting things in our backpack, chaya came over to talk to me, and--
mom: the pt! this is like the third time this week you didn't do your kriah!
fudge: helllo?
the pt: well my marker has little arms!
mom: the pt, go check your backpack.
fudge: testing, 1, 2, 3. testing, 1, 2, 3.
the pt: doo doo doo...i just feel like eating a cookie....cookies are so good...
mom: no, we're not eating any more cookies tonight.
the pt: oh, but wwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhyyyyy?
::call waiting from 'Bubbe' ::
fudge: AUUGH!!!! I JUST WANT TO ASK ONE QUESTION!
(five second pause)
the pt: um, fudge? that was really werid.
mom: oh, hi.
fudge: hi, mom. listen, i need to ask you this question about my tax form--
the pt: UM, HELLO? IS ANYBODY ON THIS PHONE?
fudge: hi the pt.
the pt: HELLO? HELLO?
mom: yes! we're on this phone! go hang up!
the pt: I'M KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING.
fudge: what? listen, the pt, i need to talk to mommy about something, okay? i'll talk to you later.
the pt: CAN I PUT YOU ON SPEAKERPHONE?
mom: the pt, just hang up.
the pt: OKAY I'M PUTTING YOU ON SPEAKERPHONE.
mom: the pt, i said no!
fudge: whatever. listen, mom, about this form you sent me --
the pt (from a great distance) : that's better.
fudge: listen, in the third column--
the pt: fudge, can you hear my marker scribbling on my paper? oh no...it's a new one and it's all dried up...!
mom (distracted): it's all dried up? i just bought those three days ago!
fudge: mom!
the pt: we had rice for supper. ew.
mom: well you didn't eat your chicken!
the pt: um, hello? that's probably because it was yellow?
fudge: whatever. listen, i' m trying to talk to mommy, okay?
the pt: my guy has little arms. doo doo doo doo...
mom: the pt, hang up.
fudge: okay, so this form--
the pt: i feel like putting on my pink socks.
mom: no, we're not putting on any more socks tonight.
the pt: whhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?
mom: because we have enough laundry to do as it is!
fudge: um -
the pt: well what about the purple ones?
mom: no more socks!
the pt: oh man!
fudge: hello?
the pt: scribble scribble scribble. do you hear my marker breathing?
mom: don't you have some homework to do or something?
fudge: mom, can i just ask you a quick question?
the pt: weeeeeeeeeel i was supposed to do my kriah but um...well, when we were putting things in our backpack, chaya came over to talk to me, and--
mom: the pt! this is like the third time this week you didn't do your kriah!
fudge: helllo?
the pt: well my marker has little arms!
mom: the pt, go check your backpack.
fudge: testing, 1, 2, 3. testing, 1, 2, 3.
the pt: doo doo doo...i just feel like eating a cookie....cookies are so good...
mom: no, we're not eating any more cookies tonight.
the pt: oh, but wwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhyyyyy?
::call waiting from 'Bubbe' ::
fudge: AUUGH!!!! I JUST WANT TO ASK ONE QUESTION!
(five second pause)
the pt: um, fudge? that was really werid.
posted by fudge at 10:17 AM
11 Comments:
next time, use your email, it brings your points across. And if pt came up again, hang up right away! Why u have to waste your time on pointless converation.
because, in its own masochistic way, it's fun.
Hahaha...that pt has the most interesting stream of consciousness. You should try writing a story from the perspective of her brain, fudge. It would be a very exciting challenge--and knowing you and your writing, you'd do a great job.
Go ahead, fudge, tell them about the stream of consciousness book you wrote for The PT on the occasion of her broken arm.
The PT gave it an F.
Hahahahaha...!
I haven't laughed so hard since the last time I watched "Nothing Like A Famule"!
Even if you would have hung up when you heard the pt, she still would have sat there talking to you for five minutes. Or she might have pretended you were Bubbe.
This is awesome! I really started laughing! Especially imagining your imitations of the pt. :D
By the way, my word verification is barfq. I just found that amusing.
I needed that very good laugh, thank you!
do you hear my marker breathing?
thats a new one...
?
HAHAHA - that was great!
Sounds eerily similar to stuff going on at my house.
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