Tuesday, August 16, 2005

...i think i've discovered the ninth world wonder...

don't look now, but i've just spent four hours baby-sitting for the two year old from heaven.

i know, i know. one must always be skeptical with such terminology, especially considering that i'm still on the job for another three hours and that's plenty of time for potential agony. however, the facts cannot be ignored. here's a breakdown of some of today's more mind-bending events:

5:30 PM. kid's parents go off to wedding in chicago. kid barely notices.

6:00 PM. take kid to park. kid climbs for a bit and then sits down on a bench.

6:20. kid still sitting on bench. become concerned, attempt various enticements to get kid off bench. kid laughs.

6:45. kid still sitting on bench. feel like awful baby-sitter. attempt to pick kid up and put him on swing. kid bats hands away and continues to peacefully watch other children.

6:50. sit down next to kid.

7:00. pick up friend and take kid and friend's kid for a walk. kid not at all freaked out by friend's kid touching his hair or face. kid perfectly willing to hold hands at streets. encounter no less than three dogs, one of which is hyperactive; kid is delighted and pets one of them. try and fail to recollect any instance of this occurring with the PT, who still demands to go home after noting a butterfly.

7:25. reenter kid's apartment. kid does not peer around every corner and whimper pitifully: 'mommy?' kid also does not throw self on the floor and scream. kid goes into kitchen, points to bib and says: 'macaroni!'

kid then gets in chair, demonstrates how to fasten bib, picks up fork, and waits to be served supper.

7:35. kids eats entire supper and finishes juice. approximately one noodle makes it to the floor. kid does not complain when face and hands are washed.

8:00. put on 'einstein for babies' for kid. kid is thrilled. plunk down on sofa and read 'healthy eating on campus', all the while mumbling to self: 'any minute now...any minute now...'

ZINGER DIVINE INTERVENTION MOMENT: einstein for babies dvd is all about bedtime.

8:45. kid's bedtime. come to kid gingerly holding teddybear and announce: 'ok! bedtime! good night!' kid hugs bear and smiles and waits to be picked up.

9:00. change kid, put in pajamas, the works. kid coos at bear and complies to everything. this does not happen with my own sister. either of them.

9:15. kid is perfectly willing to be snuggled and kissed goodnight by a complete stranger. does not complain when door is closed. tiptoe back into living room, feeling as though i have just gotten away with murder.

9:30. kid has not made a sound.

now, i know he still has roughly three hours to wake up and scream his heart out. i have to admit, i didn't turn out the light because his parents didn't specify that part and i was too scared to ruin a beautiful thing. but frankly, i think this proves one thing: when studies prove that four out of five toddlers are exhausting to care for, they really do mean that one is not.

the chances of little old me stumbling on the one and only, though, are really astronomical. after all, i still bear scars from the Baby Collapsing High Chair incident of ought-one, as well as sundry occasions of Kids Crying I-Want-Mommy For Three And A Half Hours Straight. i feel like i just won a scholarship. or some contest on the radio. really.

ok...i'm backing away from the computer now...we'll see what happens...


Blogger respondingtojblogs said...

You're clearly not Irish. Don't jinx it!

7:52 PM  
Blogger Doctor Bean said...

Hmmmm... That's not angelic. That boy's not right in the head. He's slow I tell ya'.

Anyway, it's not bad getting paid to blog.

10:15 PM  
Blogger Safranit said...

Only child

12:35 AM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

a. kid does not live at our house

b. kid may not be human

6:25 AM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

Goodness, you had an easier-to-handle kid than my nephew.
I didn't think they existed.

8:55 PM  

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