Wednesday, August 10, 2005

wednesday nights at the skiers' house

center stage: the staircase between the upstairs bathroom and the downstairs front hall. the time is roughly ten p.m. a girl is sitting in the living room on the armchair and has an excellent view of the entire scene.

enter 11 year old boy, stage left, fleeing in terror.

boy: why won't you just listen to me? why won't you believe me? i said i would do it!

abba (offstage): that was four hours ago! i want you in that tub NOW!

boy, pleading hysterically: i said i would do it before i go to sleep! why won't you believe me? come on, abba, i'll do it before i go to sleep, i'll do it before bed, just leave me alone--

abba: guess what? it's bedtime!

boy: WHAT?! but--no!--i--er--

abba: what are you, afraid to get wet?

boy: why won't you just believe me? i said i would do it!

abba: you never do!

boy (scrambling up stair case): that's not true! i do it all the time!

abba: oh yeah? when was the last time you took a bath, mister?

boy: two fridays ago!

enter abba, stage left, brandishing water gun.

abba: ha ha ha! this time, you're getting wet! if you don't move, i'm gonna spray you!

boy: but abba--

abba: VERY WELL!

:: squeezes trigger::

::crickets::

abba: hmm.

::squeezes trigger again. a little whistling noise comes out of the water gun::

abba: damn it.

girl *perishes of laughter*

boy: heh.

abba squeezes the trigger again. a negligible amount of water spurts out.

abba: HAH! now get up there! there's more where that came from!

boy: bwaaaughgghh.....

*mom, previously hidden, slides down a couple of stairs, laughing her head off*


so, let's recap:

-dad herding brother in to bathtub with water gun that fires blanks

-mom hiding on staircase

-brother considers twice monthly to be regular showering

yup, life as normal at my place.

11 Comments:

Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der ┼íteg) said...

was it a... thirty caliber water gun?

8:49 PM  
Blogger Safranit said...

I really wish we had known you guys before we left for Israel....we will be by for a meal on our next visit :)

12:43 AM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

My dad on occasion turns the water gun he got to "train the cat" (ha; his cat is less well behaved than mine, and mine run this place) on me and my mom. He is also a big fan of the "ice-down-the-back-of-the-bathing-suit" trick.

I think he's secretly eight years old, and that inside his lawyerly shell there is a Calvin (as in Hobbes, not as in John) that lies dormant until it sees the water gun and rises up to strike. Aren't dads great?

3:22 AM  
Blogger fudge said...

steg: you'd have to ask him. i strongly suspect he wouldn't know one if it sprayed him in the face.

safranit: bring rain coats (;

yeah, my mom always says my dad will be nine on his next birthday...which is friday coincidentally...but maybe your dad and my dad should hook up and start their own vigilante squad. or...be secret superheroes. L-rd knows it can't be much of a stretch from pretending to race porsches on the internet.

7:15 AM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Where's the video?

you left out the part about the older brother who can't figure out you need to REMOVE THE LENSCAP.

8:21 AM  
Blogger fudge said...

oh, i thought i'd let you tell that part. besides, it pales in comparison to your water gun fiasco.

10:47 AM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

The thought of my daddy and your abba teaming up is frightening on sooooo many levels. I would live in fear.

We could schedule a cross-cultural water gun fight, I reckon... ;)

4:44 PM  
Blogger fudge said...

lol. i reckon we could. we might not even need towels, judging from his current aptitude.

7:19 PM  
Blogger torontopearl said...

Fudge,

And now something about nothing:

You get a LOT of comments, I've noticed. Good ones, too. For a 16 1/2 year old, you're doing all right. Should you thank your abba for riding on his coat tails...or should he thank you for giving him such a great daughter who interestingly enough has on online relationship with her father!? When he's beside you and asks you a question, do you answer, "Just a minute!" then run to your computer and type him an answer, which starts an online discourse?
In any case, as I've said before, you're a great writer, we're glad you're among us and that you're your Ema and Abba's offspring, and I'm glad you and I share a name...well, we share a name but you have a hybrid pronounciation of it!

7:47 PM  
Blogger fudge said...

toronto pearl,

yes, you're right (; i should be a tad more grateful, seeing as how the people who read this are all my dad's friends in the first place. but sometimes a man who manages to fire blanks from a water gun can be challenging to take seriously.

not to say that i don't usually! only sometimes.

how it actually works is (from what i can figure) my dad has a computer at work, and i spend any freetime i have typing. except whenever i got stuck, my online distraction kicks in and i check my dad's blog, to see if there's anything funny on it. i imagine when my mom goes back to work in the fall you'll see a lot more of her writing and commenting too.

and thank you so much for the welcome! i'm glad to be here. i'm having fun and keeping a diary at the same time. i always hated diary writing before.

7:57 AM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

This may be a good way to keep in touch once you go away.

9:01 AM  

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