look, fwghdwqs

i am as big a science-fiction fan as anyone else. to be more specific, i am at the healthiest point on the charts. on the one hand are the people like my father, who own little cardboard replicas of the original enterprise bridge; on the other hand are the people who watch 'pussycat dolls: making the band' in back to back episodes. you know which you are. me, i am right in the middle. i like to browse through the library's sci-fi shelves, but i still don't know what the little furry moppets that infiltrated the enterprise are called, and i am not overly concerned about it, either.

no. i'll tell you what i'm concerned about. this morning, as i was flipping through paperbacks, i spotted several alarmingly titled-- seriously titled!-- sci-fi books. for example:

THE WOAD TO WUIN

why even bother publishing? has setting your money on fire gone out of fashion? i was both repusled and fascinated by the tastelessness of this title, so, looking both ways first, i snatched it up to read its back description. here it is, in all its inexcusability:

"This sequel to the wildly successful Sir Apropos of Nothing starts off with a bawdy send-up of Lord of the Rings, but quickly segues into its own territory with the appearance of a mysterious Visionary at Apropos's bar, Bugger Hall. The man tells our antihero, 'You will become a shadow of your former self while escaping to the Tragic Waste on the Road to Ruin,' (or is that 'Woad to Wuin'?), just as Sharee, Apropos's weaver companion from the first volume, bursts in and begs for his help in escaping Lord Beliquose. The very loud lord wants a powerful gem, the Eye of the Beholder, which the virtually powerless Sharee possesses and which Apropos promptly steals....The wisecracking wordplay that fans have come to expect skips smoothly off the page, lifting this satirical fantasy into a class all its own...goofy entertainment with gritty philosophical musing.
-- Publishers Weekly (Starred Review)

that's what you think, publishers weekly. i give it an f - -.

and lest you think this is a local incident, the next book i passed was:

Metallic Love

what is WRONG with you authors today? the cardboard-figurine crowd is gaining on you!