have you seen this teddy bear?

good citizens of toledo, take note: mr. twiddles is on the lam.

when my youngest sister was born, one of my mother's co-workers gave her a teddy bear preciously named 'mr. twiddles.' he was your pretty standard, no-frills teddy bear. i believe he was extra soft. other than that, however, he was not notable in anyway except that we left him in a hotel on the way up to new york four years ago and have not heard from him since. and you would think, the pt having been two at the time, that would have been the end of that.

not so. for all the years that have passed and all the toys she has amassed behind the couch, the pt has always been troubled by the disappearance of mr. twiddles. when she was old enough to get it, we explained to her that he was most likely in toledo. when she was old enough to find that answer dissatisfactory, we added that he had found a job at a law firm there and had a girlfriend in the area.

apparently, however, even that is no longer cutting the mustard, because the other day as i was doing my homework at the dining room table, the pt walked up to me and said, without preamble:

"mr. twiddles is missing."

as previously mentioned, this is not news. mr. twiddles has not been seen since 2003.

"oh?" i said, squinting at "paradise lost."

"yes," she frowned. and then she pulled a drawing out from behind her back. "so it's a good thing i made this sign for us to hang on the tree."

the sign, which actually depicted mr. twiddles pretty faithfully, bore the inscription 'where is mr. twiddle' in red crayon on the top. no further information was supplied. it looked sort of like a ransom notice, or a threat. not the kind of thing you want glaring at innocent pedestrians from trees or power poles.

"i don't think it's such a good idea to hang that up outside," i said.

"why?" the pt shrugged. "people can only see it if it's outside. otherwise they won't know mr. twiddles is missing."

"the pt," i explained, for the millionth time in her life, "we KNOW where mr. twiddles is."

she sighed. "in toledo."

"yes. see, even YOU know where mr. twiddles is."

the pt looked at me as though i were stupid and said, "so?"

"so when people see signs like that, they think they're supposed to help you find something that's missing. like a dog or something. no one will know mr. twiddles is just a toy. and even if they wanted to help you, they can't. people in milwaukee can't find things that are in toledo."

she gave an ever more exasperated sigh. "look, what if i just write that he's a toy and he's in toledo on the sign. that way they'll know that he's a toy and he's in toledo.'

"er....ok," i said, "but then....what do you need the sign for?"

"so people will know he's missing!" she whined.

later, i found the above picture taped to the inside of our screen door. as you will note, the words 'toy' and 'toledo' have been helpfully added below twiddles' mug shot.