what i spend my time doing
1) picking the 80s pop riffs out of shiney-shoe jewish store music
(at eichlers)
rabbi behind counter: listen, if you wanted already a melachim with commentaries in it, ok, then you shoulda called in special. now in the meantime, i got a very nice tanach here, you can have the whole thing. or, you could go down to flatbush. or, if you just wanna wait, we can have it for you tonight at like seven o'clock. or,....
me (in my head): huh...that sounds like...is that...no, it can't be...but... my G-d, it is! it's the flute solo from I Come From The Land Down Under!
2) searching for mythical restaurants
me (mumbling to self): 33rd, she said. between 5th and broadway, she said. yeeeessss. 33rd. hmmm. i've already walked 33rd down to the river and back again past times square. maybe i heard her wrong. maybe she said 31st...i guess i could always try walking that down...or maybe she meant between sixth and seventh...or maybe...wait! another stern girl! well, the other eight didn't know, but-- she has a shopping bag in her hand. she must know where it is. excuse me, do you know how to get to circa's?
girl) actually, i've been looking for it for the past two hours. i heard it was on thirty third and broadway.
me) ah! i heard it was BETWEEN broadway and fifth!
girl) no, i looked there. but BENNY says...
me) benny?
girl) yeah. he's the guy over there asking the man for directions.
me) oh, are you eating with him?
girl) no. i ran into him about forty-five minutes ago. he's been looking for circa's since about ten-thirty this morning and he feels he's making real progress.
me) of course there are those that never make it.
girl) how long have you been out here?
me) twelve-fifteen.
girl) well that's only an hour and fifteen minutes. count yourself lucky, hun.
me) we haven't found it yet.
girl) no, but it looks like benny found some girls who know where they're going.
benny) hey, do you guys know how to get to circa's?
girls) actually, we're going there right now.
me) praise the L-rd.
girls) we heard it was on seventh and the corner of forty-fifth.
((at a quarter to five))
girl) well, that was pretty depressing. we must have walked past it sixty times.
benny) it's not my fault they changed the name. we did find it in the end.
me) yeah, and it only took fourteen of us.
((silence))
me) the pasta was good, but it was not worth seven seventy-five.
girl) well, for five and a half hours, i kind of expected more.
benny) well, i heard there's this really great ice cream joint....
3) watching the elevator pass my floor
me (in head): 14...15....16....17...it's gotta stop. it HAS to stop. there is no one else in the friggin' DORM.
20.
ok well it will stop on the way down.
19...18...
17?
16?!
WAIT!!
this is ridiculous.
ok well that elevator is wacked, but the other one will come.
no. way.
ok, i will not spend the years of my youth waiting for the elevator. i'll just dash down the stairs.
(as the stairwell door clicks behind me) DING!
4) attempting to restring my guitar.
we shall not dwell on this.
(at eichlers)
rabbi behind counter: listen, if you wanted already a melachim with commentaries in it, ok, then you shoulda called in special. now in the meantime, i got a very nice tanach here, you can have the whole thing. or, you could go down to flatbush. or, if you just wanna wait, we can have it for you tonight at like seven o'clock. or,....
me (in my head): huh...that sounds like...is that...no, it can't be...but... my G-d, it is! it's the flute solo from I Come From The Land Down Under!
2) searching for mythical restaurants
me (mumbling to self): 33rd, she said. between 5th and broadway, she said. yeeeessss. 33rd. hmmm. i've already walked 33rd down to the river and back again past times square. maybe i heard her wrong. maybe she said 31st...i guess i could always try walking that down...or maybe she meant between sixth and seventh...or maybe...wait! another stern girl! well, the other eight didn't know, but-- she has a shopping bag in her hand. she must know where it is. excuse me, do you know how to get to circa's?
girl) actually, i've been looking for it for the past two hours. i heard it was on thirty third and broadway.
me) ah! i heard it was BETWEEN broadway and fifth!
girl) no, i looked there. but BENNY says...
me) benny?
girl) yeah. he's the guy over there asking the man for directions.
me) oh, are you eating with him?
girl) no. i ran into him about forty-five minutes ago. he's been looking for circa's since about ten-thirty this morning and he feels he's making real progress.
me) of course there are those that never make it.
girl) how long have you been out here?
me) twelve-fifteen.
girl) well that's only an hour and fifteen minutes. count yourself lucky, hun.
me) we haven't found it yet.
girl) no, but it looks like benny found some girls who know where they're going.
benny) hey, do you guys know how to get to circa's?
girls) actually, we're going there right now.
me) praise the L-rd.
girls) we heard it was on seventh and the corner of forty-fifth.
((at a quarter to five))
girl) well, that was pretty depressing. we must have walked past it sixty times.
benny) it's not my fault they changed the name. we did find it in the end.
me) yeah, and it only took fourteen of us.
((silence))
me) the pasta was good, but it was not worth seven seventy-five.
girl) well, for five and a half hours, i kind of expected more.
benny) well, i heard there's this really great ice cream joint....
3) watching the elevator pass my floor
me (in head): 14...15....16....17...it's gotta stop. it HAS to stop. there is no one else in the friggin' DORM.
20.
ok well it will stop on the way down.
19...18...
17?
16?!
WAIT!!
this is ridiculous.
ok well that elevator is wacked, but the other one will come.
no. way.
ok, i will not spend the years of my youth waiting for the elevator. i'll just dash down the stairs.
(as the stairwell door clicks behind me) DING!
4) attempting to restring my guitar.
we shall not dwell on this.
posted by fudge at 11:01 AM
10 Comments:
1) I love that song... both the original and the Jewish wedding song that stole the tune. I went to a wedding of a Chabadian Australian, and the band played that song. With the wedding lyrics, though. It was so funny.
2) Circa is easir to find in Brooklyn. Just take the train to Avenue J, and it's right there. But you should go to Mr. Broadway instead. Where else can you get Moroccan cigars, Felafel, General Tzo Chicken, Sushi, and a Burger all at the same place?
1) Don't let that guy sell you something you don't want/need. Tell him to get the one you're looking for. And whatever you do, DON'T GO TO BROOKLYN.
2) I missed the part where you ran into the scarecrow, tin man, and cowardly lion:
"Well some people do go both ways."
3) Your mother told me you have to call for the elevator. No, really call. Like, put your face up to the crack in the door and yell, "HEY STOP ON THE 17TH FLOOR!!"
4) The secret is to bang the rocks together.
Now, i'm not the kind of guy who goes around telling people to disobey their parents, but GO TO BROOKLYN!
;-)
Next time you want to go to Circa--not to mention Kosher Delight or Jerusalem II--drop me an e-mail, and I'll give you the guided tour. I'm usually assigned to the main office, which is within walking distance of Circa, and also within, well, I'm-taking-an-extra-half-hour-for-lunch of the other two. (Mr. Broadway's across the street, but it's a bit rich for my lunch budget.)
Now, now, enough insults about Brooklyn. Avenue J in Flatbush--home to the Brooklyn branch of Circa--is a nice frum neighborhood. I'm often assigned there, too, and while it takes an extra subway train and an extra half hour to get there, at least I get to clean out the kosher take-out places, bakeries, and candy store on the way home. :)
May I introduce you to the magic of Google maps? It's the best maps, local searces, and directions site on the web. If you need help using it, ask your dad to IM me. I'd be happy to walk you through it.
For example, here's a search for Circa restarurant in NY City.
Oh, and you're invited to our house for any Shabbat you can make it to Los Angeles. I know that doesn't help much....
Doesn't Stern give out "Guide to the Perplexed" anymore? My sister got one back in the day...
I used to rely on those. Great guide. I discovered the Queens Museum that way.
Come on, people, I live in Brooklyn... It's perfectly save here *really*! : ) Actually, there are lots of nice, easy to find places on the Upper West Side. They are all right next to each other, *impossible* to miss! ; )
I second what tuesday said.
You didn't mention going to any CLASSES....
That would be what the $250 in books went for, you know, class... maybe you should look it up.
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