Saturday, October 04, 2008

while i'm on this posting spree

to lighten up all the navel-gazing going on about here of late, here's a 'grandma rose' episode for you, guest-starring everyone's favorite great-great aunt from poland. that's right, ladies and gentlemen, give it up fooorrr.....bobba!

THE SCENE

A grandmother and college student, zooming down Jewel Avenue like the mafia. Time: 6:37 pm, Friday afternoon.

GRANDMOTHER: Oh my GAWD Perlie, I can't believe you are still managing to get on the wrong bus after FOUR YEARS, oh my gawd how I was worrying so that you would not make it, and here you are five minutes before Shabbos and you're a mess, how are you ever going to - HO HO HO!
COLLEGE STUDENT (startled): What the--?

GRANDMOTHER makes a sudden u-turn; COLLEGE STUDENT's face slams into laundry bag on her lap.

GRANDMOTHER (rolling down COLLEGE STUDENT'S window and leaning across her): WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE!

She has double-parked her car in front of a little fastidious house. An elderly woman in a Hawaiian shirt and sweat pants is standing by the curb in front of the car. She looks miffed.

COLLEGE STUDENT: Oh hey, it's Bobba!

GRANDMA (shouting, as if elderly woman is hard-of-hearing): PAULIE! I SEE YOU HAVE COME OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!

BOBBA (shouting, as if GRANDMA is hard-of-hearing): SO?

GRANDMA: SURELY YOU ARE NOT GETTING IN THE CAR FIVE MINUTES BEFORE SHABBOS!

BOBBA: IF YOU MUST KNOW, I LEFT SOMETHING IN THE CAR. SO NOW I AM GOING BACK FOR IT.

GRANDMA: OH. I SEE.

BOBBA: YES.

(awkward pause)

COLLEGE STUDENT: Hi, Bobba!

BOBBA: ROSIE, WHO IS THIS YOU GOT IN THE CAR HERE, PERLIE?

GRANDMA: YES. SHE IS COMING TO ME FOR SHABBOS BUT EVEN AFTER FOUR YEARS SHE CANNOT GET ON THE RIGHT BUS. SHE IS JUST A BABY.

BOBBA: HMPH.

GRANDMA: SHE BROUGHT ME FLOWERS.

COLLEGE STUDENT: Because she's so pretty!

GRANDMA: OH MY GAWD, PAULIE! DID YOU HEAR THAT? SHE SAID I AM PRETTY!

BOBBA: SHE SAID YOU ARE PRETTY?

GRANDMA: YES! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

BOBBA: I CAN NOT SAY. I DO NOT HAVE MY GLASSES ON.

GRANDMA: OH. WELL THEN YOU COULD NOT SAY.

BOBBA: NO.

The cars behind GRANDMA'S car honk in a manner indicating that they would like her to pull up, or park, or get towed.

GRANDMA: Okay bye.

COLLEGE STUDENT: Bobba, can I come visit you on Shabbos?

BOBBA (sniffing the air): It will rain tomorrow.

GRANDMA: Then forget about it, kid. Rain is the pits.

COLLEGE STUDENT: But Bobba only lives a block away from you, Grandma.

BOBBA: It is bad luck to go outside when it is raining.

COLLEGE STUDENT: I'll walk fast.

GRANDMA: No no no, it is no good to go outside when it is raining.

BOBBA: No. No good.

COLLEGE STUDENT: What if it's not raining?

BOBBA: So then you can come. What do I care?

GRANDMA: But not if it is raining.

BOBBA: No! Rosie, don't let her leave the house if it is raining!

COLLEGE STUDENT: But-

GRANDMA: Very well. Goodbye, Paulie.

BOBBA: Good bye and good riddance.

GRANDMA's car pulls abruptly back into traffic and makes a hard right.

GRANDMA: She is a weird one, that Bobba.

6 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

Hoorah for posting sprees! They make me happy when they happen on your blog and you haven't posted in forever and I haven't seen you in forever and I miss you, Perlie!

This story is one for the ages. :)(Very bad pun not intended, sorry.)

P.S. Was it raining on shabbos? Did you visit Bobba? Don't leave us hanging here!

10:44 PM  
Blogger Ezzie said...

You need a raincoat and boots... so you can walk.

6:20 AM  
Blogger rivkayael said...

your posts give people happy smiles :)

1:19 PM  
Blogger outofAMMO said...

no she couldn't have walked there with a raincoat. She would have ruined the raincoat. here perlie use this newspaper for your head.

3:41 PM  
Blogger the apple said...

L.O.L.

7:57 PM  
Blogger Rafiki said...

This should really be a tv show someday

5:34 AM  

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