Thursday, June 19, 2008

when midwesternisms attack

SCENE: FUDGE, MOM and THE PT at an aerobics studio. FUDGE and MOM have just finished exercising and are putting away their weights. THE PT is coloring on the mats. Offstage right is a water fountain with a pen jammed in its bar.

THE PT (pointing): somebody left their pen in that bubbler.

MOM (wiping face on towel): they did that on purpose, honey. it keeps the bubbler running.

THE PT (flabbergasted):

FUDGE: you know. so the water gets cold.

THE PT dashes to the water fountain and studies its side with an intense scrutiny.

FUDGE and MOM exchange glances.

MOM: what are you doing, the pt?

THE PT: looking for how he gets in.

MOM: how who gets in?

THE PT (impatiently): the bubtler.

FUDGE and MOM exchange another look. MOM abruptly doubles over, helpless.

FUDGE: no no, the pt. a bubbler is a thing that water comes out of that you can drink from. a butler is a servant for rich people. there is no butler in the bubbler.

THE PT (outraged): then how does the water stay cold?


Blogger Eli said...

Is a bubbler different than a water fountain?
(Ahh, Wikipedia. So a Bubbler is kind of like a Hoover...)

1:45 PM  
Blogger Erachet said...

Hil. Ar. I. Ous.

6:56 PM  
Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Water fountain? How quaint. Tell me, do you call a toilet a "body waste disposal device"?

7:00 AM  
Blogger the apple said...

Okay, am I missing something? What the heck is a bubbler? You mean the spout?

9:47 AM  
Blogger SJ said...

Alright, I guess someone has got to serve as translator.

"Bubbler" is the midwestern term for what the rest of the country calls a "water fountain."

Those of us who like to pick up other people's regional linguistic ticks now have a hard time choosing between the british "fountAIN" and the midwestern "bubbler." Maybe I'll just start calling it a "bubbler fountAIN" and be completely unique.

And, btw, I can just picture the bubtler running in a little hamster wheel to keep the water cold.

12:30 PM  
Blogger Bas~Melech said...

Well, I figured out the bubbler thing on my own. But I'm still a bit confused about the role of the pen in this incident. :-/

11:50 PM  
Blogger iguana said...

we midwesterners are so unique...

7:55 AM  
Blogger Ezzie said...

WOAH. Wait a second. Not ALL Midwesterners call it a "bubbler". This is a matter of intense debate among Midwesterners, with the strange people with the funny accents calling it a bubbler (does it even bubble?!), and the rest of us calling it a water fountain (because it is a fountain of water).



10:00 AM  
Blogger Stubborn and Strong said...

i think u and ur mom misunderstood pt? he want to know why pen is in there he is not confusing with bubbler and butler just pen? am i correct?

9:08 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Balabusta said...

In Chicago you would risk your life to call it a bubbler. You would be stoned, or at least put on the L tracks waiting for a train.

12:48 PM  
Blogger rebecca said...

My Heart Leaps Up

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky:

So was it when my life began;

So is it now I am a man;

So be it when I shall grow old,

Or let me die!

The Child is father of the Man;

And I could wish my days to be

Bound each to each by natural piety.

~~~by Age Of Conan gold

6:23 PM  

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