the chef's secret

the pt (pulling up a stool): whatcha making?

me: blueberry muffins.

the pt: i think you mean blueberry cupcakes. you do know you're using cupcake holders, right?

me: er...right.

the pt: well, it's a good thing i made secret cupcakes too!

me: ...secret....cupcakes...?

the pt: yeah, sure. you don't need to bake mine.

me (growing alarmed): i don't see any cupcakes.

the pt: of course not. they're secret.

me: what's in them?

the pt: i'll show you!

(hops off stool, returns carrying four foil cupcake holders with mashed up oreos in them)

the pt: here! have a secret cupcake!

me: those are your secret cupcakes?

the pt: yup!

me: but those aren't cupcakes. those are just smashed up oreos.

the pt (exasperated): no they're not! they're smashed up oreos in cupcake holders! that's what makes them cupcakes!

me: i guess i can see the logic in that.

the pt: sometimes i run out of cookie cream. then i have to put yogurt on top.

me: ah.

the pt: get it? that's the secret part of the recipe.

me: great. er... how many of those have you got?

the pt: i don't know. eight, probably.

me: the pt, who's going to eat eight cupcake holders full of stale broken oreos and liberally handled yogurt?

the pt (matter-of-factly): you.