it's ok, abba, she doesn't like me either
me: gah...work work work work...i can't take any more, i need to crash...i know, i'll go to grandma for shabbos! there's no internet connection and crappy reception there...no one will be able to bother me...
grandma: hello? yes, who is it?
me: hi grandma, i--
grandma: listen perlie, i am very very busy now. call me back tomorrow. bye.
(puzzled): very very busy?
me: grandma hasn't called me back yet...i need to figure out what i'm doing for shabbos...oh well, it's ten o'clock at night, she's probably home now....
grandma's answering machine: hello, you've reached rose. please leave a message after the tone.
me: hi grandma, it's perel again...just wondering if i could come for shabbos, it's been a long time since i've seen you...i know you've been really busy lately, i can pick up the food in manhattan if you want...um, ok, call me b--(click).
gee, i'm getting tired of being hung up on.
grandma: yes, who is it?
me: grandma, it's--
grandma: oh, PERLIE! i was JUST ABOUT TO CALL YOU! listen, perlie, i don't know if you can come to dinner tomorrow.
me: aww....i guess i'll have to--wait--wait a minute, grandma. i--i never even asked you if i could come for dinner tomorrow.
grandma: well i don't think you can come for it. i am busy then.
me: that's ok, i can't come anyway, i have work then. what about shabbos?
grandma: the thing is i have an affair on monday. you cannot come for labor day, i am going to be very busy then.
me: ok, so i'll go home on sunday.
grandma: so you DON'T want to come?
me (confused): no...i mean, i do...
grandma: well you can't come for labor day. it is out of the question.
me: but can i come on shabbos? i can bring food back from the caf, grandma, you don't have to cook a thing--
grandma: DON'T BE RIDICULOUS! of course you will not bring food back from the caf, do i not have a kitchen? have i not cooked shabbos for 40 years?
me: but i can come, right?
grandma: not for labor day.
me: but i can come if i go back on sunday.
grandma: OH, so you want to go back on SUNDAY?
me: yes. i'll come on friday and go home on sunday and i won't come for labor day.
grandma: oh, well if you go back on SUNDAY then you can come.
me: er...so that's a yes, right?
grandma: ok i love you very much goodbye (click).
i wonder how i'm gonna weasel rosh hashana out of her....