Wednesday, May 28, 2008

how to tell if you're a nutjob

by fudge

1. will you only pick up your toys with a robot arm?

2. do you take a hula hoop to school with you every day, even though they already have hula hoops at school?

3. do you try to smuggle a lunchbox full of water to shul with you under your coat on shabbos?

4. do you hum the theme song to your favorite cartoon show and break into superhero poses on a regular basis unrelated to the context around you?

5. do you have a favorite insect?

6. do you consider an event, such as teethbrushing, not to have occurred until it has been documented and notarized by a parental figure on a markerboard?

7. do you have a one-legged skip?

8. do you consider the rules for grocery-cart riding posted in the supermarket to be enforceable by death?

9. when you are riding in the back seat of a car, do you sometimes throw your arms up, whoop and catapult to the side without warning, as though you are on a roller coaster?

10. do you routinely ask, sometimes up to four times during a single meal, if the bowl, fork, cup, place mat, napkin, etc., in front of you is your own?

11. do you do this even when no one else is at the table?

12. do you gripe for hours because nobody woke you up before seven?

13. do you scramble to hide whenever someone enters the house and then yell "Surprise!", even
though, since you do this on a repeated basis, there is little chance of either you or the enteree being surprised?

14. have you spawned an entire spin-off genre of literature quoted by complete strangers inevitably more than ten years your senior?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

this is america, charlie brown

sticky-note i received on a returned paper from a professor today:

'hi perel,

please find attached your term project. i hope you don't mind that i labeled it 'peril project.' i just couldn't help myself.


professor x'